They know what love means. Some of these women have been there from the start, others are just beginning. Regardless of which branch of service they represent, their stories are unique but hold the same theme of absolute dedication. They know what it’s like to get dressed up for a Skype call or to wait months, (even a year) just to be in the arms of the man they love. Many of them know how exhilarating it is to receive a bootcamp letter once a week, to wait patiently for every homecoming, and sleep night after night alone. They can recite ranks and know all the uniforms, drive miles to spend a day with their man, and dream of when they can be together for the rest of their lives.
It may sound like a fairytale romance, but it takes a lot more than just infatuation to fuel this kind of loyalty these young women have. After talking with many “mil-so’s”, as they call themselves, they say it’s actually the resilient love, never-ending patience, and strong commitment that help make it all worth it.
Military Relationships Go Deeper
Anyone else, just looking at a military relationship externally, might think it’s almost inhuman the amount of sacrifice, distance, and pain that is experienced on both sides. One young Marine Corps wife, Stephanie, put it this way: “I think [a military relationship], as well as any other relationship where you have to be away from the one you love, helps you realize not to take advantage of any moment you have with them… you come to realize a lot of stuff, and grow up a lot being away from the one you love, rather than spending every day with them...” The relationship evolves to a higher level. Samantha, a military girlfriend, told us, "You learn who they truly are because you don't have that physical contact. It teaches you to love each other based on the actual connection and not a [shallow] one." It might be hard to fully understand it, but the obstacles and challenges these couples face create a deeper love for each other.
Annie, a Marine girlfriend, shared she thought military relationships are much harder than cilivian ones. “Otherwise,” she said, “you don't have that passion of missing someone. You don't really know what it's like to have them be gone for months at a time and still love them as if you just saw them yesterday.” This mutual theme of dedication is definitely something that stands out.
Olivia [named changed for privacy] also agreed: “If you are willing to wait months or even years for someone to be with them, you have to be serious about the person.” Many of these women are still in school or college or work multiple jobs to not only pass the time, but because they are still trying to figure out their own lives while their men serve in their country’s military. They are proud and aren’t afraid to show it. “You can’t be a military spouse and not be patriotic,” one wife told me.
The Distance Makes It Hard
A long-distance relationship, whether it’s hours away or across the globe, is hard for these women. They struggle with making their own decisions while the man of the house is away, or learning to deal with whatever life throws at them while they and their loved one are miles apartMicaela, whose boyfriend is serving in Japan while she lives in the United States, says: “It's hard living day by day, and month by month, seeing these couples that get to see their boyfriend everyday- and they always seem to not really be interested with each other. They take [it] for granted.”
Learning to appreciate all the memories made while on “leave” (time taken off) or while at home, are something the women look back on during the tough times. Photographs, gifts with military insignias, notes, texts, favorite places, and even an personal item belonging to their loved one are constant reminders of the good times that have been, and the good times yet to come.
Military wives face difficult challenges different than girlfriends on a more financial and social level, but girlfriends have to deal with the distance, little communication, and those lonely nights at home just as much as the spouses do. Regardless of whether they are married or not, the distance is always hard.
Casey, a Marine wife based in California, said: “You [just] never know. You can't make future plans. You never know how long you'll be in one place…You don't know if your man is going to deploy soon. You don't know if you'll be stationed state side next or if you have to start learning Japanese.” The uncertainty is a major challenge they face, whether they are a military girlfriend or spouse. Some, like Mandi whose boyfriend is also in the Marines, have spent more time apart than together. “The distance forced us to learn to trust, strength, and honesty with each other,” she said, “because he was sent on his second deployment just three months after we began dating.” But despite everything, they all share a common ground: the pro’s outweigh the con’s. All of them have learned the live without their men “there” physically, but still knowing someday their loved one will be there, and with that goal set for the future, even the bad days seem a little less dark. As stated in a military.com article, "Military couples face incredibly challenging stressors together. Those couples who remain resilient often find themselves with stronger relationships when the dust settles."
It’s All Worth It In the End
The core response from these ladies were simple. Brianna, a military girlfriend, summed it up:
“The effort and love you have to put into a long distance military relationship is incredible. You have to remind yourself every day that what you're putting yourself through is worth it in the end.” And that is entirely true. Many "milso’s", regardless of which branch their man is in, bond together via the internet (sometimes even in person, which is always exciting but rare for most) and find common grounds to encourage each other, get their minds off of worries, share stories, and just support each other through every step of the way. Facebook, Tumblr, and texting are all tools that these girls stay connected.
Colleen, a military wife, says she’s grateful to know what it’s like to miss someone. “Most couples will never know that feeling,” she said, “You know that saying ‘You don't know what you have until it's gone’? I know what I have, and I still have it. I have an appreciation for him that most will never know.”
A positive attitude, a resilient sense of endurance, a busy schedule to pass the time, and a good support network are all essential for a woman in a military relationship. And there isn’t a single doubt in anyone’s mind that the man they are with is the one they want to spend the rest of their days with. So that kind of love is definitely something to hold close to heart.
Elizabeth Hottenstein - Part of the younger generation of online journalists, Elizabeth writes and blogs from wherever her travels across the USA may take her.
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